it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
