your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
