3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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