That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
