I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
