you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
