you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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