Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
