A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
