Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
