I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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