I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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