It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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