Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
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Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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