He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
