Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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