he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
