Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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