In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
