i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
