it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my being single is dangerous.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
