i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
