he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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