the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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