I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
