... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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