I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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