My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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