i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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