he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
