I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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