just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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