put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
