I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
