CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
50% drunk capacity currently
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
