it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
