i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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