xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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