I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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