Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
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You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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