I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
