Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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