Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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