I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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