By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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