I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
