I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
