If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
