she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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