We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
