im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
