bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
