My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize