its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
