I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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