Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
