So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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