you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
