She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
