just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
