I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
