also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
