I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
