so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius