Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
