ADVERTISEMENT

• (847): View more from Illinois

  i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago

  Fav 29 5603 1162

  share tweet
  

• (678): View more from Georgia

  My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.

  Fav 19 3831 893

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes

  Fav 10 3642 1326

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.

  Fav 11 1005 3274

  share tweet
  
• 

  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now

  Fav 10 2569 1294

  share tweet
  

• (231): View more from Michigan

  Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!

  Fav 4 2741 1152

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.

  Fav 13 3656 1049

  share tweet
  

• (561): View more from Florida

  The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.

  Fav 2 1675 705

  share tweet
  

• (252): View more from North Carolina

  I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds

  Fav 5 1308 936

  share tweet
  
• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (269): View more from Michigan

  We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash

  Fav 3 1305 567

  share tweet
  

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.

  Fav 2 747 494

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.

  Fav 3 1164 560

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,

  Fav 1 810 491

  share tweet
  

• (517): View more from Michigan

  Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.

  Fav 4 603 427

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (281): View more from Texas

  I FOUND THE LEGS

  Fav 1 313 188

  share tweet
  

Randomize