I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
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Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help