she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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