I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
