Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My room smells like vodka and shame
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she looked like the before picture.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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